A father writes to the children he left behind
By Joe D'Mango

I HAVE always allowed things to happen and just go along with
whatever course life has to offer. When I found the woman, my
best friend, with whom I really want to spend the rest of my life
with, the feeling I experienced when I was with her was
indescribable.

Still, I waited two years to weigh the kind of personal
commitment I could offer for a lasting relationship with her,
though I was sure we were meant to be together.

And so I had to make the hardest and most heartbreaking
decision in my entire life-which was to leave you and your
mother. Leaving you didn't mean I loved you less.

At that time, I honestly believed the best thing I could do was to
keep the three of you together. I cannot deprive you of your
growing-up years without the love of your mother, especially
you, Jing, since you were already very close to your Inang
(lola), while you, Joy, were just a newborn baby who needed the
care of a mother.

I could have brought Lenlen with me, but I could not bear to see
her grow up alone not knowing how it was to have sisters, and
live a life of uncertainty as I was starting all over. My partner
and I started from zero, and we have had our fair share of the
hungry years.

I trusted my instinct that your mother had the capability to
raise the three of you well. For that, I am grateful to her.

The only treasures I took with me were the happy memories the
three of you gave me. I would always remember the first time
you called me Daddy, playing with you, hearing you laugh and
cry.

I cannot remember a single day that I haven't thought of you.
Every day, I always say my prayers for your safety and welfare.
My heart breaks whenever I see kids of your age together with
their parents in the parks or malls.

I long to cuddle you and hold you in my arms. For years, my
heart had been in pain and hurting and I was suffering the
consequences of not knowing how the three of you were doing.
Only the thought of the forgiving love of God and my desire to
see you again kept me going.

I had to control myself from getting in touch with you because I
really didn't know what your mother had told you about
me-whether I was dead or what.

When I finally contacted Ric last September to ask if he had
heard anything about the three of you, only then did I learn that
Jing came to Laguna a while back. I believe that maybe you are
now prepared to meet your father, who is just waiting for this
opportunity. It was then that I asked Ric to try to contact you
and see how the three of you were doing.

Since we've been talking on the phone, my soul has been filled
with your voices and giggles. After 19 years, God has finally
answered my prayer--a second chance to see my three
daughters and hear them call me Daddy again.

I can no longer do anything to take away the pains you
experienced while you were growing up without a father, but if
you'd allow me, I would like very much to have another chance
to be the father I have always wanted to be to you, and a
granddad to Jing's two lovely daughters and grandchildren to
come.

You are the very reason why I would like to go home, as I am
determined to see you and hold you in my arms once more
before I leave this world. I am hoping we will not waste any
more time being strangers to each other. Let us try to be as
open as we can, ask questions that need to be answered. I do not
intend to disrupt your lives, which seem just fine. Your
forgiveness and understanding is all I ever want. When I had a
heart problem a while back and had to be in the intensive care
unit in the hospital, my desire to see you gave me the strength
to pull through.

I'm so sorry for all the pains I must have caused you, my
daughters. I know how deeply scarred you are as a consequence
of what happened, I know, because I got one, too. I love you very
much.

Love,

DADDY

A lot of children came from broken or abandoned families. Some
of them fail in their own lives but others who have struggled to
survive and become stronger persons in spite of their
inadequacies. It is sad to think that parents who are on the brink
of separation believe they are doing their families a favor. The
truth is, the children are the ones who suffer the consequences
of their parents' actions.

In moments of extreme emotional struggles in marriage, couples
have nothing but anger, vengeance and stubbornness in their
hearts. No one wants to listen to what the other has to say, and
all that is heard is the cry of selfishness and the sound of silent
disregard to the feelings of those who are affected by the
scuffle.

There are times when a spouse finds someone else to love. He
pursues this new object of affection and finds himself drifting
away, until he feels he is capable of leaving his own family
because he believes he has found real happiness in the arms of
another person.

There are many reasons why relationships fail and the
foundations of families crumble. Some reasons are justifiable,
others stem from immaturity, selfishness, distrust,
irresponsibility and plain weakness.

We all have caused some pain to the people we love. We are
imperfect and we make terrible mistakes. But what is important is
that we find the willingness to change and make up for our
misgivings, and those we have transgressed will find the heart
to forgive us for the hurt we caused them.

Let us remember that Father's Day is not just about dads with
happy and complete families. More importantly, this is the day
for those who have once turned their backs on their wives and
children and are now asking for a chance to be with them again.
Let this be their chance to become the dads they have long
wanted to be and the fathers their families have missed for so
many years. Let this day be a day without hatred in our hearts.